I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
