I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
