I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
