what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
