The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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