she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize