Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
