I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
