I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
