you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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