phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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