Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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