this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
