When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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