you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize