1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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