so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
