i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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