what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
