my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
