Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
