Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
