Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
why is half of my head shaved?
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