Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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