i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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