so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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