Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
