What a fucking waste of an outfit
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
