i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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