So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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