you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
