So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
as a side note pls kill me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
