Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
