to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
