I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
