Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dick very happy bro
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
