There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
send nudes
from the living room?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
