and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
