I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
