she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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