Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
