im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
