I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
