Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
