I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
