hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
