I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
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