i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
