I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
