If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
