we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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