I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
