She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
