Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I still have a little drunk in my system
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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