She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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