I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The air was thick with penises
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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