over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
