ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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