it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
