I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
