you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
