Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
