you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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