I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize