I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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