Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize