I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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