I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
