When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
