My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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